Beauty, Beginnings, Controversial, Growth, Inspired, Perspective, Relationships / May 5, 2017

Watch where I trip before I fall 

Why does every mainstream romantic comedy seem to end the same? There’s always the pretty girl-vulnerable and open to caring for someone else with her whole heart for the handsome bad boy who’s guarded from his feelings.

But why is it always so one sided?

Why is it a status quo of our society to accept and make it okay that the male can be this mysterious and complex person, but when the lady is anything less than an open plethora of emotions and love it is frowned upon and seen as undesirable, threatening, or as “damaged goods” for lack of a better term.

There are two sides to every story

Have you ever heard couples mention the expression, “I fell head first in love with you” or that they were “head over heels” for their other half? Basically, there’s two ways to perceive this statement:

  1. These couples knew exactly what they were getting themselves into, or
  2. They were so engulfed by this other person that the barriers they would face were not substantial enough to worry about before hand

On the other hand, what about the people who want to know exactly what they are getting themselves into before falling in love with someone else or deciding to push in that relationship further? Are their feelings still genuine? Do they care? What’s the science behind it? What does that look like?

These type of people are the guarded ones. They want to see what exactly it is that they would be falling into, in the case that they did in fact fall.

Below I’ll describe my insight on why these people are the way they are.

God didn’t create the world in a day.

And the Great Wall of China wasn’t built over night.  Basically, there is a reason for everything. China’s reason was to keep their states and empires safe from the raids of invasions by the nomadic groups of the Eurasion Steppe. Guarded women have a wall built to steer clear of invasions by people who can hurt them emotionally.

In general, no one was born guarded.  When thinking back to when we first start to date as teens, we are totally enthralled by the idea of caring for someone else and our first break up is usually something that’s pretty traumatic.

 Gary Lee, a high school friend, elaborates on our first break ups by saying, “It hurts, a lot too. Why is that? It’s because we don’t know any better other than to throw our entire selves into it. We give it everything we have and for what? We just get our heart broke. In our minds it’s “they are the ones, I know it”. LOLZZZ to even say the words I love you that young. When it ends we are crushed, and we slowly start to understand our expectation  vs reality. Expectations are how we view things in our mind. Sometimes our judgement can become clouded by our emotions. We aren’t able to see the truth for what it is. As time passes we become wiser with our relationships. We’ve been there, done that. Dated this asshole, to the it just didn’t work out type person. To gaining a perspective (a REALITY). We know what we want, we aren’t fooled by charms and lies; because you’ve been there before. You know what to expect and what you’re looking for. Thus, you build a wall. You’re not trying to give just anyone your heart anymore. You’ve been down that road before and it hasn’t gotten you what you want yet. So you become a lot more cautious when you think to let someone in. ”

Walls don’t just manifest themselves. They are either built over a long period of time or thrown up to protect from an external force of some kind. The importance to note is that they aren’t just there for looks.

There’s a difference between careful and careless. 

There’s a stigma around these type of women as if they are careless, passive or just plainly don’t give a damn. But honestly, it’s more of knowing that things aren’t as they seem.

A guarded woman is naturally independent and feels as if she only has her self to lean on when things go wrong.

Guarded women know that actions speak louder than words and are constantly observing the way their male counterparts handle situations, speak to them, take in information, and see how much energy they are putting in to truly understand them.They need this process to understand enough about the situation/relationship to know if it’s genuine and/or worth moving forward to the next phase in their process. This makes determining who gets let inside extremely rare. Most people don’t practice what they preach. 

Didn’t they tell you that I was a savage?

With all due respect to the queen of savagery herself, @badgirlri, although guarded women may come off cold or non-chalant-it’s not that they don’t care. They’ve just been burned before and coming off in any other way but open takes away all of their vulnerabilities.

It’s a process of knowing someone enough, so that their energy or heart won’t be wasted. Just make sure you haven’t gotten yourself into a “situationship” instead of on your way to a relationship. 

Things aren’t always as they appear…

Like briefly stated before, these women aren’t cold. They’re just focused. They have their goals and ambitions and aren’t willing to budge in any type of way before knowing if they’ve found someone who shares the same ideals as them.

Just because she doesn’t cry in front of you, doesn’t mean she doesn’t cry at all. Guarded women are not robots.

Lastly, a common misconception of guarded women is that they are devoid of  love. Just because a woman is guarded doesn’t mean she doesn’t love. In most cases, these are the women who care most-hence the wall being built in the first place. After all, a heavy heart breaks hard.

Status quo or not-the most important thing is to love, no matter how you go about it. This is how God designed us. 

Thanks for reading 🙂 If you have any thoughts or insight pls feel free to comment below. ? 
XX

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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